One Tentative Step...

Being a teacher not only taxes one physically, but also mentally. The obvious now having been stated, I want to start getting down these stories and thoughts that I have in my job. Not so much because I think they are worthy of being preserved for posterity, but because a lot of truly meaningful things happen in the course of a day and after four years, they're beginning to run together.

So here we go...

I assigned a personal narrative to be due next week for both of my freshmen and sophomore classes. I wanted to make sure I wouldn't get the general run-of-the-mill crap like: "My fifth birthday my parents bought me a pony cake and it was great." or "My friends and I got drunk and I stole a go-cart." (It's amazing what they think will impress me) So I requested that they dig deep and I read them a part of Ann Lamott's book Bird by Bird to remind them that true voice comes from deep within, it's opening the doors inside of you that you've been forbidden to open by your parents and it's reaching into those dark crevices and giving your "monster an onstage interview." My sophomores quietly absorbed this information and then wrote some ideas down on a sheet. I exalted that I had finally reached them. I knew I was going to get some rough stuff and I thought I was prepared.
A student came to me today with her idea for the narrative and I nearly broke down and cried. She is a wonderful girl and she has kept the class well-supplied with cookies and cakes all year (she bakes when she's stressed). When she first opened her mouth, my eyes rolled because of her high-pitched-sweet-as-molasses voice, but as time has gone on I have learned to love this girl. She told me her aunt wanted to clear the idea with me that she put all of her experiences into one narrative, like a reflection of what she's been through. I glanced at the sheet: Her mother died, her father is a hoarder, and she's attempted suicide. I managed to choke out, "yes" and then forced my arms down so I didn't envelope her in a surprise bear-hug.
This girl, this brave sweet girl who bakes and never complains and certainly has never denied anyone another cookie even when she's running low has been through hell. I am never ever surprised, but I am always amazed by my "children".
I don't think I'm prepared for this onslaught and now I wish I had never mentioned that stupid monster giving an interview. But damage is definitely done and I can only hope that this culminating paper will help a couple of kids come to some good truths. I really really hope.